Ive decided that I'm going to de-virginize my journal with a quote from Notes from Underground, by my wonderful, yet terribly deceased lover, Fyodor Dostoevsky. I've read it in three translations so I had a really hard time picking out which translation of this quote to post, so I decided to combine the best parts of all three. I call it the Blake translation. I'm going to do this with the rest of the novel.

"I was ashamed (even now, perhaps, I am ashamed); it reached the point with me where I would feel some secret abnormal, despicable enjoyment in returning to my corner on one of the foulest nights in Petersburg and being acutely conscious of having once again committed a loathsome action, that what had been done could in no way be undone, and I would gnaw, gnaw at myself with my teeth, inwardly, secretly, tearing and consuming myself till at last the bitterness turned into some shameful accursed sweetness, and finally- into real, positive delight! Yes, a delight, a delight! I insist upon it."